Twenty-two years ago, just after midnight, I felt the first contraction. Eight and a half hours later, some of them pretty scary, our first child was born. He broke my tailbone that day, and it was painful, but the joy of seeing that beautiful boy and hearing his strong and healthy cry far outweighed any amount of pain I experienced.
That boy had a laugh and a smile that brightened the darkest corners of my life. He was so bright, so quick, so full of life. And so, so brave.
It will take a lifetime to articulate all that I have learned and am still learning from having that hero in my life. And today, when he would have been 22 (a non-event birthday, as he would have called it), I would have been anticipating his return in just a few weeks. I would have been dancing around, bugging him on Skype, making his favorite cookies, and whispering in his dog's ear that her boy would be home soon.
But my boy won't be coming home. There was a different plan for his life. And the pain is so deep and still so fresh. Sometimes it still takes my breath away. Sometimes I cry so hard that I don't think I will ever stop crying. But always, always I know this:
I REFUSE to let the pain of losing him overshadow the joy of knowing him.
So, we put flowers on his grave. We made cookies. Tonight we will eat with a few friends and celebrate knowing such an amazing person. We will continue to love each other, and we will always love that little boy who grew into such a fine man.
Happy Birthday, Spencer Duncan, my little pumpkin. I love you forever, and I like you for always. I miss you so.
4 comments:
Once again, Megan, your words tug at my heart and bring tears to my eyes. I know Spencer is so proud of you for writing about him again. Celebrate his life tonight with your friends, and please know that your "far away" friends are there with you in spirit. I love you my friend!!
The anguish and joy of this whole last six months have been nothing anyone would have ever anticipated or expected. The grace in which you have walked this road thus far has not gone unnoticed and I know that joy will prevail. Love you.
Megan,
So many times I have tried to message you, but the words never come together. I can't even begin to type this without the tears running down my face. I was so proud to have known your son, so inspired by your family and your drive. I still find it hard to even believe it happened, and dread the welcome home ceremonies at Hood and Olathe. Although this will be the reality check of not bringing home 3 brothers...I'm hoping it will bring peace and closure to us all. I will always remember your son, I will always tell his story. I pray for your family everyday, you and your son have touched the hearts of many, many people. God Bless
Megan,
Thank you so much for letting us be a part of knowing Spencer, celebrating Spencer, and grieving Spencer. It is humbling to see the grace with which you, Dale, Tanner, and Calder, are walking the path put before you. We love you! Elaine
Post a Comment